There is so much going on right now, even aside from this situation, so much that I am going through in so many different areas, so much that I am learning through it. I feel like God is giving me a series of crash courses in a whole bunch of areas all at the same time. Even though I desperately wish He wouldn't, I do accept it. I want to grow. I read something last night that was so good for me to hear. It was from the book I am reading now, Lessons I Learned in the Dark. Specifically she wrote about being thankful for difficult gifts, for example, illness, broken relationships, financial strain, things that are very hard to receive much less be thankful for. She wrote,
"some things that God allows to come into our lives are genuinely hard to be thankful for. But if we fix our eyes on God, we can see beyond the difficulty of the gift into the heart of the Giver. Regardless of whether we asked for it or want it, it's a gift of God's grace, and our response should always be to receive it with thanks. Is your response to a difficult gift based on your feelings about the gift itself or on your desire to honor the Giver and do His will? Is your closed fist extended in anger, or is your open hand lifted to Him? Only an open hand receives the blessings that accompany difficult gifts, and sometimes it's only in a package wrapped in heartache that we receive the fullness of God's grace."
Well, this gift He's given me currently has steeped me in heartache. Because I am watching someone I love go through something horrible, and I am trying to help and feeling helpless so much of the time. While I know that God is sovereign and in complete control of this, and while I trust Him completely, that is not something you can make another person feel. So I persevere what sometimes feels like 24 hours a day because I know even when I crumble that in the end God has a purpose for this.