I was peeking in at Goodreads last night, thinking about all the books I want to read now that I finished Molly’s new book, Resistance. I think I’ll put one of the widgets on my blog. I had books in the currently-reading shelf that I haven’t looked at in months so I got that a little updated. Maybe if I was young, single, I’d read more, but I am finally realizing after all these years that you have to make time to read. It doesn’t just happen.
I have to confess things have been discouraging lately. The long winter is kicking Sam’s butt. Every time we think the long-range forecast seems promising it crumbles. Asperger’s is never a picnic even at the best of times, and he has rallied through a depressing winter, but the longer it goes, the more tedious waiting for spring-like weather becomes. Jacob is slogging through these last weeks of nursing school four hours away, but sometimes I wonder if sticking it out up there these last couple of years has been the best choice—except for a close-knit group of classmates and us, he no longer has moral support up there. To the contrary, he has believers actively tearing him down instead of seeking to build him up, a church that has been the bane of our existence for over three years, which is a whole horrible story in itself. I think I may actually tell it sometime. But probably the most discouraging of all is the pills Molly got after the stomach scope, to help with the bile in her stomach, seem to have stopped working, and she is nauseated through the night again. To have it be even a little bit what it was like during those long, horrifying weeks last November just brings an icky pit-of-the-stomach feeling. They’ve added an additional pill, which just makes me want to sigh (because we’re very health-conscious and always seeking natural alternatives, but in this it is so hard to know what to do) and Zofran for the nausea which isn’t really working very good. I go to sleep each night praying for each one, praying for a hedge of protection around Jake in what has proven to be such a dark situation, praying for rejuvenating sleep for Sam and answers that never seem to come, and praying for sleep at all for Molly. I wake up thinking about it and hold my breath sometimes waiting to see what kind of night she had, or what kind of day Sam will have. Days that start like that don’t take much to fizzle.
Yet. Still. Every day is new. It might go south within minutes, and I might spend it weeping or fretting or complaining (to my chagrin), but even then my life is blessed. I have a crazy-wonderful husband I love more every single day, who does thoughtful little things for me all the time, and who has been beside me through all this horribleness we’ve encountered these last few years and who holds me up when I don’t think I can stand anymore. It took years and years for us to get to where we are today, but God blessed me with him. And I have three kids I marvel at and love so so much, all so unique, who have suffered more than I can stand to see, in so many different ways, but all five of us—saved and ready to go—are going to spend eternity, together. With Jesus. That I know for certain, and that is what matters more than all the hardness.
And in amongst all that hardness, we manage to buff up a few rough rocks sometimes and come up with some pretty. Here is that mug shelf I mentioned a few posts back that Jack was building. It’s a little more “busy” than I like, so it’ll take me some time to switch things out and see what I want sitting on there. Mostly I’d like it for mugs I use daily. The blue paint needs another coat for us to see if we truly want to continue with the blue in the kitchen. Just not sure. Without that second coat it’s a little light. I may just bring the green into the kitchen, too.
Also, I mentioned the other day that Molly is having a Dreaming of Spring jewelry giveaway. You can click the link and go to her blog if you want to see what she has in her Etsy shop, or enter to win below.